I say this because I love you

"I say this because I love you." -Just about every parent out there.

I absolutely enjoy getting cornered by my mom, yelled at for a long time, then being forced to hug her. Quickly to follow is the line so many teens have heard. "I say this because I love you". That would be the point where I smile, nod, say I love you too, then I walk in my room so I can yell in my pillow about how stupid she is. She isn't stupid of course, but sometimes it's really frustrating. Especially since this is the only time she ever says it.

Now don't think I still call her mommy and pick her dasies, because thats the way it's coming off, however; if that's the best way she can show me how much she cares for me, there is a problem.

The best part about all of this is that while she was telling me all of these things that "I need to do better on", she never once asked why I might be acting differently. If anything was bothering me. After all she's doing this because she loves me right? So asking someone you love if everything is ok, is part of the script right? Particularly when they have been having a hard time in the past week. I don't know. It just doesn't make sense to me.

I guess the only thing to do is take her word for it, she loves me, and take her advice so I can do better in life instead of being so selfcentered. Still they need to find a new line...

The Impersonal Personal

Have you ever had a problem with someone and knew it needed to be fixed? Generally the best way to solve it is to call them up, or better yet meet up with them somewhere. So much can be solved and instead of just getting over the bump bonding actually happens.

Right now in my life this is not so. I had this friend and for many reasons we grew apart (far far apart). I figured it was for the better and kinda moved on accepting the facts, but she still wanted to work it out. I understood. However, her way of fixing it was texting me nonstop. We were at a football game and I was having the best time ever until I look at my phone and read, "Why do you hate me? can't we just be friends? tell me whats wrong with me. We need to work this out." As many can assume that kind of killed the night. Why would anybody want to spend their Friday night dueling it out with someone. And that's basically what I told her. In the end I went home early just to get away from it all.

Things like this continued to happen. Emails, texts, little messages on facebook. It even went as far that she befriended my sister and started talking about me. She said, "It has to be because of her not me, because I haven't changed a bit." Lets say I wanted to scream. Why can't she tell me all this to my face?? Who knows.

I guess what I'm trying to get at is all of this could have been avoided. She could have called me at an appropriate time or asked to meet up at somewhere. Like a restaurant, or a park. Not a football game. Instead she had to keep it at a distance. She never once said a word to me about it. Not once.

When it comes to personal things like this, I know I would feel uncomfortable trying to convey what I mean through a text when it could be interpreted so many different ways, more often than not, making it all worse. Cellphones don't give hugs. Computers don't tell you it will all be okay. But friends and family can. Lets get this impersonal cycle a little more friendliness to it.

And by the way. We never worked it out. She wanted to talk it out about 5 minutes before church started and it didn't go so well. Later I received a message on facebook. Maybe things will never change.

the Homework Gal

I just love how I could like a guy and the only reason they might talk to me is because of homework. That's it. They want help on their homework. Really? Can I be of no other use than (hopefully) correct answers? Let me vent about this because it's driving me nuts.

I'm sure somebody is thinking I should be lucky they talk to me at all. OR that I'm just another silly girl. But hey you know what, I am a silly girl. I talk about shoes, I worry about what I look like in the morning, my goodness one time I even got upset over breaking a nail. Not even kidding (how pathetic). Yet the thing I'm trying to get at is, so has every other girl. Maybe not exactly but we all know what I mean. What makes me different that I turned into the homework girl? Don't even think that I'm smart, because there are lots of people smarter than I am. I am no special case. What walls have I put up around myself that make me inapproachable. I can't be the only one who has ever felt this way. It's frustrating being limited in my character to a single role (we are no longer talking about just guys, I'm getting at being dubbed the smart one) in life.

I want to break out of this. Really bad. I don't mean this now as it pops into my head while writing. I mean this as something I have given thought to continuously. This year I'm going to try to step out and open up. Yes "open up" is generic, but it's exactly what I want to do. And hey if it lets me talk to that cute guy in class, about something other than homework, well that's quite a bonus =]

Sh... Pass It On

Recently at my school little clothes pins have been passed around. I will open up by bag before class and find one stuck to the strap. On one said it says, "Sh... Pass It On" and on the other is a cute little pharse, bible verse, or joke. This one said You are loved. I instantly smiled decided this could easily make someones day.

This simple idea is wonderful. So many people now are finding them everywhere. It's a nice suprise in the middle of a boring day. Stay on the look out for these clothes pins and Pass them on. =]

Have you ever tried something new and only had someone tell you how horrible you are the entire time? It's like hold up why on earth should I do this if it makes me miserable?? Right now that's the situation I'm in.

It's my first year on the dance team and I know that I have a lot to improve on. I work really hard and try to apply corrections as we go. Yet I am finding that each day I enjoy it less and less. I know a few girls who feel the same way. We walk into the gym knowing we are inadequate. Yet this issue can easily be bypassed so we can move on with the routine, better than ever.

Constructive critisism is the main point I'm trying to get at. Ugh I wish I had something better to call it considering that is such a generic term, but it's the best I have. I'm not pointing fingers at our captains at all since making corrections is a group effort, but they are the leaders. Telling some one they did great and can do even better if they improve ___. is great. Instead we are often hearing people saying your leading with your knee and all the kicks were wrong. Is that helpful? Not particularly. Who knows maybe that is the way to go for some girls. Tough love gets it done and I just need to suck it up. But I'm not the only one so perhaps I have a point...

Vroom Vroom Here I Come... not

I really dislike driving. Not just sort of but A LOT. Generally I end up going with my mom. My stepdad isn't around much so I settle for what's available. She's the kind of person who will stress out and start yelling 2 minutes into the whole ordeal. I don't think she has ever said one constructive comment that will actually help me rather than make me freak out more. Is learning to drive really worth listening to my mom yell and grab the dashboard (going 15 mph ugh). There is noway I'm going to get my license at this rate. The only thing I can do is take my own advice and stay positive... A little help here =,(

Oh Crystal Ball Tell Me What You See

"As I look forward, I'm very optimistic about the things I see ahead" - Bill Gates

Granted Bill Gates does have every reason to be optimistic about a lot of things. If things go wrong he can just throw money at it to fix it, but for the rest of us, everyday people, this quote can be more difficult to apply to our lives than some think.

I remember when I went to my first speech meet. Oh my goodness, I was so scared. I was waiting for my turn with full knowledge that I was the only one in the room who was in their first year. Right away I told myself I was going to do really badly. Surprise surprise I did horrible. I dropped my papers, I lost my spot, and I didn't even finish because I was so embarrassed.

There is no way I could have done well when I'm picturing myself fail, but I'm not the only one. I know lots of people that short change themselves because they don't think they can do it. My favorite piece of advice is shoot for the stars. You never know when you might hit them, but you never will if you don't try. Know what your capable of and then go even farther. But, if your not going to try then what's the point. Look at the future and be OPTIMISTIC about it.

My Little Light of Hope

"If you're going through hell, keep going" -Winston Churchill

I remember laying in bed every night for weeks and naming every single thing that was wrong with me. I couldn't understand how my life could get so messed up so quickly, so I blamed myself. My sister would sit with me and try to comfort me, but the one thing she said that stuck out to me is, "it won't last forever".

Out of all of Winston Churchill's quotes this one is my favorite. However dark the current tunnel your walking through is, there is always a light at the end of it. There is always that hope that when it's all over things will be better, happier. No matter how hard it gets remember to keep going, and let your friends help you. That's what they're there for =]

we all know this person and nobody likes them

"positive things happen to positive people" -Sarah Beeny

You just have to love the person who walks down the hallway complaining about everything from a challenging homework assignment, to his teachers haircut. I don't know how somebody could fill so much of their spare time just thinking of everything wrong with the world but they pull it off. It puts such a downer on everybody else's attitude. Like if i just got a new car I'm not going to want to listen about how the corner of their math book is bent. Yes, it make really be a bummer, but it honestly doesn't matter unless they're trying to make small talk.

While I can go on and criticize them all I want I'll be the first to admit that I have stepped into this role on occasion, and so has everybody else. When I have that really stressful day I just want to vent to everybody around me; however, the trick is to stretch yourself (by getting over it) and stay positive. Things will look up, and tomorrow nobody will remeber what was so bad in the first place. Why waste time on it now when forgetting about it will make everybody's life so much better? =]

A Stranger's Gift

This past week has been really hard for me. There were times when I was worried if my life would just fall apart at the seams. But through it all I found out the simplest thing.

Everyday in the hallway I passed this girl, she was a freshman and I had no idea who she was. Quite frankly I didn't care either. But each time she passed me she would smile wave and say hi. I don't know why she smiled at me, and I certainly wasn't all that pleasant looking, but she did. I realized that smile made my day and still does. The fact that someone can be so nice toward me when I am having such a hard time is amazing. A simple smile can make all the difference. Don't hold back, show off your pearly whites. You never know who might need it.