I'm completely sane, yet this happens

Last night I had the strangest dream ever. I woke up completely freaked out. This is it:

Somebody came to my house and shot me 6 times. The detail I remember is ridiculous. Like I know he just killed someone else because his gun barrel was still hot. He effortlessly pinned me to the closed door. And he smelt like fresh dirt in a disgusting way.

I remember how I tried to protect myself by holding my hand up to my heart, even though I knew it wouldn't help. The guy had dark black hair and wore black leather gloves. He covered my mouth with it and muttered "shut up or you will die." I stopped struggling but I knew it was a loosing battle no matter how well I cooperated.

He shot me in the stomach. It didn't hurt though. I didn't cry or anything. My entire body was really warm, but that's all. Then he shot me through the hand and heart. Over and over. I did die.

Yet later in the dream I was sitting in on my own funeral. People were talking to me like I had never died, and I was freaking out on them. I couldn't make them understand I was dead. I watched myself being buried as well. Only everyone went home right after the funeral so I was the only one there.

First, I can't explain how emotional I got over that (in the dream). For whatever reason it just tore me apart. Lots of people say they want to be present for their funeral, but it's horrible. Absolutely horrible. People are supposed to say all that nice crap about you, but what if they don't.

As I was walking away from my grave someone came up behind me and asked to use my phone to text someone. Wordlessly I gave it to him. After he gave it back to me my phone started vibrating and text after text filled my inbox. They were all from the guy who killed me.

I couldn't have woke up faster. If you haven't had a dream you woke up crying from this one would have done it to you. I think what scared me the most was feeling like I had no control whatsoever over what happened to me. No matter what I did the course of events wouldn't have changed.

Tonight will just have to be better.

Cross Your Fingers.

I think it's back for good. I hope. Spring is finally here to stay, but I'm almost hesitant to enjoy it. As soon as I break out the shorts I just know the frosty air is going to come back.

Is this finally it? Are we going to be able to make friends with the sun again? Ugh I hope so...

MCA

I just finished the Reading MCA's yesterday. It's pretty simple. Read the story and answer some multiple choice questions. Every couple stories you have a written response.

First off I don't mind writing at all. What bothered me was how they set up their questions. They would say: find evidence this boy is isolated. It is basically their opinion, but we have to do the work to back it up. That's stupid if you ask me.

I understand it must be hard to think of fair questions for the MCA test, but this year I thought they were especially ridiculous.

How do you get in on the group that does all of that anyway?

Ugh.

At one point or another anyone who has ever put pencil to paper in a creative manner has experienced writer's block. It is the worst thing ever, beside shin splints. You can guarantee no homework will get done if this is the case.

Ironically the only way to get rid of it, is to write. Doesn't matter what it's about, just write. Unfortunately it isn't working for me. Three days now I have been fighting with this issue.

Personally I think it is just a state of mind. If you don't think you can write about anything, you won't be able to. Or it can just be reduced to an excuse.

Pushing through it can be the most frustrating thing ever. But with a little determination I hope I can do it. I hope.

near this spot
were laughs a plenty
Memories from childhoods
long
since past

they flocked
here
on sticky days
when pavement
melted
under bare feet

to the Water Fountain

If I were a Poem mimick

If I were a poem
I would tip toe into your mind
quietly approaching
to make myself known
An unimposing tug at your thoughts
If i were a poem

If i were a poem
I would whisper into your ear
rather than force you to listen
You would be my only
audience
If i were a poem

If I were a poem
I would find every single second
and fit there, my words
I would paint pictures
for you with ease
when you least expect it
If I were a poem

If I were a poem
I would capture your attention
then caress it with simplicity
opening your mind slowly
to sweet possibilities
and then
I would pull you closer
so your heart flutters
anticipating what turn
I will take next.
What little pleasures
I will patiently reveal
If I were a poem.

If I were a poem
I would fade away
slowly
to linger only in your memories
If I were a poem

Extinct for a Reason.

The bailout plan is in the forefront of many American's minds. Giant companies, that have been around forever, are falling.

I say let them.

In biology we are learning about cloning. Scientists are thrilled because through this new breakthrough they might be able to help out endangered species. Species that are unable to adapt to their new enviornment.

These companies are falling for a reason. They can't make changes to keep up with the times. Like cutting back on their CEO's salary.
So now what? Tax payers have to carry their burden?

The main argument is we need them to keep the economy going. With out them our nation might collapse. I think we aren't giving the other companies enough credit. They can take over. People can take their business elsewhere. It happens all the time. New giants can be created.

The enviornemt has changed. Those we can't keep up will fail. Pouring money into them in a last ditch effort is useless.

Socialism.

We live in a democracy.

-government by the people; a form of government in which the supreme power is vested in the people and exercised directly by them or by their elected agents under a free electoral system.


Our economic situation is publicised beyond belief. Everyone knows companies are being, almost completely, taken over by the government. Which I guess if that's what they think is absolutely necessary, then fine. The government being more involved in our lives might be the thing to get this country out of the slump it has become stuck in. But what if it doesn't change back?

I want to know what people think of our country moving toward socialism. Good or bad. Long term or short term.

Changing is one of the hardest things to do. The responsibility rest solely on that single person. No one can really help them.

Then arises the question do people ever honestly change? I don't think they do.
It's not being pessimistic, it's being realistic. Whatever someone tries to change about themselves, their true nature will always be there. They will always be the cocky one, mean one, know it all, etc..

Sometimes they are successful in masking it, or downplaying it, but never will it go away. That's not a bad thing either. The world needs the unique (sometimes sharp) personalities. Everyone is too caught up in trying to be perfect, and sweet. Yet the people we know the best are those who don't continually try to change something about themselves.

I'm not ignoring the people with big problems. Stories are always going around about an addict finding Christ, yada yada. But that want will always nag at them when the stess is on, and nobody is around. Life isn't fair. They shouldn't have to deal with that, but it was their decision.

I can't pass judgement whether someone has changed or not. I hope for the best, but if it doesn't happen, that's alright.

Hey You're Cute.

It's a guys way of saying "yes you are nice looking but not nice enough for me to call you beautiful." or "yes you are nice looking but I don't have the guts to put myself out there and call you beautiful."

Either way it's starting to bother me.
Guys just say "hey couldn't help but notice you" instead. After all that is why you are trying to tack on some cheesy line isn't it?
Or if you're too afraid to put yourself out there... well that's too bad. Maybe you need a little time first.

Let's put this prase to rest. It needs to go.