Swimming

Sometimes it takes everything falling apart to find a foothold in your life. It isn't until you feel like you have nothing until you realize how much you have.

Coming out on top is the best. Knowing I didn't let a bad situation get the best of me is wonderful.

This is what I learned.
You need to find your personal rock. It doesn't need to be God like so many believe, although that's easier because you have an automatic support group behind you, and it's what everyone does. You need something that will help you through everything. I've found it in my writing, and running. I know those two things will never change for me. If something challenges your "rock", fine. Let it happen. Let it be tested.
If it changes, be prepared for and upset. Suddenly you find yourself falling, pieces of your life flying down past you like debris, into the dark abyss. Then you swim. You find the solid ground you personally need to stand on. In the end you will be stronger.

Learning to Swim

When I was 14 I wrote a poem called balancing act. It was all about how careful I put my life together, and when things didn't work it all fell apart.
Looking back. I haven't changed.

The past month my life has completely disintegrated before my eyes. I clutched at small pieces, so I could maybe put it back together, but they proved to be an unstable base. So it fell once more.

Now I am caught under all of it. Struggling under the weight. Trying to get out for a breath of fresh air, with no avail.

Then only thing to do is move with it. Swim until I can put it together again, even though I feel like I'm drowning.

Ahlahasa

At first I had no interest what so ever in the Ahlahasa. I figured it just wasn't my thing. Now the more I think about it the more I want to be on the staff. I would settle for any minor position, I simply want to be part of the Ahlahasa.

I think part of it is because of my experience so far with the Sophisticate. I love the pressure for our stories, because that is when the most creative things happen.

But life isn't just. In my interview for the Ahlahasa I screwed up, really bad. I am almost 100% positive I finished every other sentence with "I guess". I didn't want to sound like I was trying to brag myself up. I over did it though and made it sound like I didn't want to do it at all.
This is when life needs a big red redo button.
I want this so bad, and I don't think I can acheive it. It's driving me nuts.

0_o

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People Frustrate Me

If you are running behind someone it's easy to pace yourself with them. Finally you find your stride, and it's perfect. Both of you moving at the same pace toward the end of the race. Then right before the finish line they either completely slow down, or stop all together right in front of you. It breaks your stride and concentration which ruins the end of your race.

As the school year is coming to a close, I find myself more irritated with people than before. It's like we have all been running this race and slowly, one by one, people are stopping in front of me. Not doing homework, having a negative attitude, ticking off teachers. It's stupid. Those things may not appear to effect others but they do.

If my friends don't do their homework they automatically think they can copy off of me. So what do I do, turn them down and be a bad friend, or suck it up and let them copy. I took the time to do the work, not them.
Then there are the people who are continuously wasting time, because they think they are now "above" all of it. Everything in their eyes is either stupid or pointless. It's so hard to stay focused when that is everywhere.
And finally the smartasses. They believe when the teacher is talking it's their turn to open up their mouth. It's not. It's time for you to shut up and listen. Because believe it or not, some people care. Some people want a good grade and are working hard.

There is less than a month of school left. The least we can do is stick through to the end. Now isn't the time to slack off just yet. Some people still have their stride and are finishing the race. Hop back on the train. It's not too late.

Love Does Not Exist

That crazy feeling you get when you are around someone. "Complete" as some put it. Or how you can't seem to get enough of that specific food. How a certain song makes you happy, or just speaks to your current issues. And we call all of that love..

It does not exist. Love is simple a humans excuse for not being able to control themselves. It is imagined. They don't want to stop eating, and they claim love. Thy can't stop listening to that song, and instead of calling it a natural high, like it is, the say love.
But let's not forget that special someone. "It's simple. Love." No it's lust. It's not wanting to be alone. It's enjoying a conversation. They are replaceable. It hurts, because you miss the familiarity. All in all though it is not that thing you call love.

Love is a noun. The dictionary calls it "a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person or object."
Over used. Meaningless. Cliche. I'm guilty of it. I say I "Love" something, but in the end I know I don't. The actual action of loving is impossible, because we will forever want something else. Never true satisfied.

Now is when people will think "Not me. Mine is true love".
Love is supposed to be forever and never stray. So if straying, even if just in thought, it vetoes love. And if they did, by chance, return to that specific thing, it was only out of comfort. Not love.

But if that is too depressing to think about, continue to love. I have no objection. I simply wanted to share my opinion.



This isn't necessarily my thoughts. Some of it could be, but "No love" isn't a very blissful idea. However I did want to make this into a speech for next year's season. Tell me what you think.

I was talking to someone about a relationship they are in earlier today, and they asked me how they should know if the relationship is still "good" or not. Odd question, especially to ask me of all people. But here is my answer:

You need to rethink your relationship when more negative things come out of your mouth than good things.

That's just me..

Creeper Story

Today we will meet. Kyle Marshall will finally find out who I am. He will realize we are meant to be. We are perfect for each other.

Right now I can't see him in the coffee shop, where he works. Annoying morning customers block him from my view. Usually women hurrying home after a one night stand. Theird skirts too tight. Their shirts disheveled.

Every once in a while I see his red apron peek our from between the flirty women. He pays them no attention, yet always acts cordial. Sometimes he smiles after a polite laugh. When he smiles his right eyebrow arches gracefully. I can faintly see the scar on his forehead.

Generally his hair covers it up. Straight blonde hair. Most people wear it horribly, but Kyle is naturally beautiful. His dark brown eyes are what draw in most women. They are powerless against his charm. Stuttering fools.

Usually this bench, right outside the big window, is the best. I'm here every day except when it rains. Four months and 16 days so far. I've watched him longer than the other two boys. We have a connection. I can feel it. Except she's in the way.

She's waiting for him now.

She's just like a barbie doll. Blonde hair, blue eyes, tiny waist, and a cosmetically enlarged chest. It's standard for any girl trying to catch his eye. Giggling idiot. How dare she touch him like she is worthy of him?

It's time.

People are clearing out. Now is my opprotunity. Before the girl steals him away. It's only 25 steps to the counter.

"Hello Kyle. How are you?"


Another story I wrote for Creative Writing. Lot's of fun(: Have to admit I haven't actually stalked someone though.

Sonnet

Oh, beautiful is the morning today
So I watch you wake slowly to the light
And all I could want is that you will stay
Even if it is only for one more night

Warm sunlight slants across the quilted bed
Quiet mummers escaping your soft lips
I would rather be one hundred times dead
Than never be felt by your fingertips

How lucky am I to be here with you
Open your gorgeous eyes and you will see
We shall never part if you only knew
You are my world, how much you mean to me

We can replicate tonight's ecstasy
If you say yes and spend your life with me


This was a sonnet I wrote for my Creative Writing class. Extremely frustrating, it took me 4 hours. Each line should be 10 syllables long.

An Endless Search

I have a confession to make, and it will raise me to some of the highest rankings in Nerdism.

I love the perfect word. If you can take an entire phrase and condense it down into a single word, it's perfect. We have all all had those moments where a certain word is at the tip of our tongues, but we can't spit it out, and it drives us nuts. Festering curiosity.
That right there would be every body's personal case of Nerdism.
But I take it to the extreme. My best friend at times is my thesaurus. I have a hard time writing with out one. Once I was stuck on a sentence for 10 minutes trying to think of that perfect word. Ridiculous? Of course. But I enjoy it.

Spoken Word.

My favorite class this year has been Creative Writing without a doubt. I have learned many interesting things I can do with writing I never would have thought of. Now we are getting into a new topic called spoken word. Let me tell you this, I am more nervous than ever for it.

To start out let me explain spoken word. It's intense. Like poetry reading with a kick. YouTube it ;)
The easiest thing to speak on is yourself. To start off the teacher had us write a list of things about ourselves. Interesting things of course. To be honest it wasn't very hard. I have lots of strange little quirks; however, I feel the most interesting things about me are the things I hardly tell anyone. Not because they are bad, I just don't tell people all about myself all the time.

So what should I do. Write it really interesting, and finally get out of my shell? Or keep it simple. After all it is only an assignment.

Iowa = Pro Gay What about Minnesota?

I'm going to step on a few toes with this blog, even though I'm trying to tread softly.

I read in the newspaper Iowa is now recognizing gay marriage. It surprised me, so now I have to start think about what I would think if it came to Minnesota as well. It has been on my mind A LOT for the past week.

Personally I think relationships should be between a guy and a girl. It's not at all a religious thing, I just think that's the natural course of things, and it should stay that way.

However that's not the way the world works. People love to push the envelope to show their individuality. People want to stand out and express their opinions. That's perfectly fine, if it isn't forced on other people.

If gay marriage is recognized in Minnesota I wouldn't agree with it. I'm not going to discriminate either though. I have no problem with the person, just their decision.

A gay couple's PDA would make me more uncomfortable, and cause more of a scene than a straight couple's would. But there is no way to justify forcing them to keep it behind closed doors.

Everybody has a right to be who they choose to be. We don't all have to agree, another part of individuality. As long as either side doesn't take it too far.

Radical Ideas

I have realized a lot of my opinions are not accepted by the general public. Like if I actually shared them with people I would be shunned. It's a little frustrating. I do believe if one person thinks something, and doesn't force it on others, it's ok. My opinion isn't going to make an impact on anyone. If I was racist and didn't act on it EVER it's alright. I would have my reasons. Obviously being really open, and rude about it is unnecessary. That's not true by the way.

I don't know it's just been bugging me. Maybe there is someone in the same boat as me.

I'm completely sane, yet this happens

Last night I had the strangest dream ever. I woke up completely freaked out. This is it:

Somebody came to my house and shot me 6 times. The detail I remember is ridiculous. Like I know he just killed someone else because his gun barrel was still hot. He effortlessly pinned me to the closed door. And he smelt like fresh dirt in a disgusting way.

I remember how I tried to protect myself by holding my hand up to my heart, even though I knew it wouldn't help. The guy had dark black hair and wore black leather gloves. He covered my mouth with it and muttered "shut up or you will die." I stopped struggling but I knew it was a loosing battle no matter how well I cooperated.

He shot me in the stomach. It didn't hurt though. I didn't cry or anything. My entire body was really warm, but that's all. Then he shot me through the hand and heart. Over and over. I did die.

Yet later in the dream I was sitting in on my own funeral. People were talking to me like I had never died, and I was freaking out on them. I couldn't make them understand I was dead. I watched myself being buried as well. Only everyone went home right after the funeral so I was the only one there.

First, I can't explain how emotional I got over that (in the dream). For whatever reason it just tore me apart. Lots of people say they want to be present for their funeral, but it's horrible. Absolutely horrible. People are supposed to say all that nice crap about you, but what if they don't.

As I was walking away from my grave someone came up behind me and asked to use my phone to text someone. Wordlessly I gave it to him. After he gave it back to me my phone started vibrating and text after text filled my inbox. They were all from the guy who killed me.

I couldn't have woke up faster. If you haven't had a dream you woke up crying from this one would have done it to you. I think what scared me the most was feeling like I had no control whatsoever over what happened to me. No matter what I did the course of events wouldn't have changed.

Tonight will just have to be better.

Cross Your Fingers.

I think it's back for good. I hope. Spring is finally here to stay, but I'm almost hesitant to enjoy it. As soon as I break out the shorts I just know the frosty air is going to come back.

Is this finally it? Are we going to be able to make friends with the sun again? Ugh I hope so...

MCA

I just finished the Reading MCA's yesterday. It's pretty simple. Read the story and answer some multiple choice questions. Every couple stories you have a written response.

First off I don't mind writing at all. What bothered me was how they set up their questions. They would say: find evidence this boy is isolated. It is basically their opinion, but we have to do the work to back it up. That's stupid if you ask me.

I understand it must be hard to think of fair questions for the MCA test, but this year I thought they were especially ridiculous.

How do you get in on the group that does all of that anyway?

Ugh.

At one point or another anyone who has ever put pencil to paper in a creative manner has experienced writer's block. It is the worst thing ever, beside shin splints. You can guarantee no homework will get done if this is the case.

Ironically the only way to get rid of it, is to write. Doesn't matter what it's about, just write. Unfortunately it isn't working for me. Three days now I have been fighting with this issue.

Personally I think it is just a state of mind. If you don't think you can write about anything, you won't be able to. Or it can just be reduced to an excuse.

Pushing through it can be the most frustrating thing ever. But with a little determination I hope I can do it. I hope.

near this spot
were laughs a plenty
Memories from childhoods
long
since past

they flocked
here
on sticky days
when pavement
melted
under bare feet

to the Water Fountain

If I were a Poem mimick

If I were a poem
I would tip toe into your mind
quietly approaching
to make myself known
An unimposing tug at your thoughts
If i were a poem

If i were a poem
I would whisper into your ear
rather than force you to listen
You would be my only
audience
If i were a poem

If I were a poem
I would find every single second
and fit there, my words
I would paint pictures
for you with ease
when you least expect it
If I were a poem

If I were a poem
I would capture your attention
then caress it with simplicity
opening your mind slowly
to sweet possibilities
and then
I would pull you closer
so your heart flutters
anticipating what turn
I will take next.
What little pleasures
I will patiently reveal
If I were a poem.

If I were a poem
I would fade away
slowly
to linger only in your memories
If I were a poem

Extinct for a Reason.

The bailout plan is in the forefront of many American's minds. Giant companies, that have been around forever, are falling.

I say let them.

In biology we are learning about cloning. Scientists are thrilled because through this new breakthrough they might be able to help out endangered species. Species that are unable to adapt to their new enviornment.

These companies are falling for a reason. They can't make changes to keep up with the times. Like cutting back on their CEO's salary.
So now what? Tax payers have to carry their burden?

The main argument is we need them to keep the economy going. With out them our nation might collapse. I think we aren't giving the other companies enough credit. They can take over. People can take their business elsewhere. It happens all the time. New giants can be created.

The enviornemt has changed. Those we can't keep up will fail. Pouring money into them in a last ditch effort is useless.

Socialism.

We live in a democracy.

-government by the people; a form of government in which the supreme power is vested in the people and exercised directly by them or by their elected agents under a free electoral system.


Our economic situation is publicised beyond belief. Everyone knows companies are being, almost completely, taken over by the government. Which I guess if that's what they think is absolutely necessary, then fine. The government being more involved in our lives might be the thing to get this country out of the slump it has become stuck in. But what if it doesn't change back?

I want to know what people think of our country moving toward socialism. Good or bad. Long term or short term.

Changing is one of the hardest things to do. The responsibility rest solely on that single person. No one can really help them.

Then arises the question do people ever honestly change? I don't think they do.
It's not being pessimistic, it's being realistic. Whatever someone tries to change about themselves, their true nature will always be there. They will always be the cocky one, mean one, know it all, etc..

Sometimes they are successful in masking it, or downplaying it, but never will it go away. That's not a bad thing either. The world needs the unique (sometimes sharp) personalities. Everyone is too caught up in trying to be perfect, and sweet. Yet the people we know the best are those who don't continually try to change something about themselves.

I'm not ignoring the people with big problems. Stories are always going around about an addict finding Christ, yada yada. But that want will always nag at them when the stess is on, and nobody is around. Life isn't fair. They shouldn't have to deal with that, but it was their decision.

I can't pass judgement whether someone has changed or not. I hope for the best, but if it doesn't happen, that's alright.

Hey You're Cute.

It's a guys way of saying "yes you are nice looking but not nice enough for me to call you beautiful." or "yes you are nice looking but I don't have the guts to put myself out there and call you beautiful."

Either way it's starting to bother me.
Guys just say "hey couldn't help but notice you" instead. After all that is why you are trying to tack on some cheesy line isn't it?
Or if you're too afraid to put yourself out there... well that's too bad. Maybe you need a little time first.

Let's put this prase to rest. It needs to go.

Lately a lot of people have been talking to me about the idea of racism.
Touchy topic.
I think it's wrong. No other way around it. That's just it.
This is what I don't understand.

Skin color is one of the biggest factors in racism. "White" people are usually the aggressors, yet are we not the ones going out and tanning to make our skin darker?

There's really not much else to say after that. Just another reason why racism is pointless.

Those people that get everything right. They do the 'right' thing, get the best grades, have the most proper attitude. They are seemingly perfect at everything.

I look at them, and wish I was in their place. It's pointless really. We all have our little issues, but I still want to be just like them. I can't help it.

I know I'm not the only one. We are all too focused on comparing ourselves to others, to realize how good we have it.

I've been called one of "those people".

Guess it comes full circle in the end.

Another short story

"When do I get to learn?" Impatiently I bounce in my seat, hoping for the answer I want.

"First grade." My mom answers just like she has all the other times.

"What? That long? I want to learn now." Frustrated I sit back in my carseat. My eyes glare at the passing street signs and all of their hidden secrets.

"Ashlyn it's only a year. You can wait that long. Or if you wanted to you can teach yourself."

My mom chuckles to herself at the idea, but I don't hear it. I repeat it to myself liking the way it sounds. I am going to teach myself. I am going to learn to read, all by myself.

I have never been much of a goals person, but to me reading was something I needed to know how to do. With or without a teacher I was going to learn.

I threw myself at Dr. Seuss like a wild child. My mom read the books to me over and over until I had them memorized. I had her point at every word she read, then I would repeat it. Soon I would walk around the house reciting Green Eggs and Ham from memory.

My mom must have thought I was crazy. Or maybe she was filled with that strange mother pride they get when their child does something strange.

Simple words built on top of each other. From the bottom up they made paragraphs. Then stories. Soon tales about kids loosing teeth, and the three little pigs fly through my hands. The library became my second home. I would sit there for hours, in silence, reading. A miracle by anyone's standards, for someone my age.

On our annual trip to my grandma's house a stack of books sat at my feet. Stories waiting to be discovered, but this time I had a new mission. My attention turns to those street signs. The same signs I glared at before.

Then their secrets are slowly sounded out, into words dancing in my mouth.

Lilly and the Silver Blade of Grass

In a far away land, there was a king and his favorite daughter, Princess Lilly. They were close but Princess Lilly was unhappy. She wanted to marry a kind prince and live happily ever after like all of her friends.
“Daddy please why can’t I get married?”
She pleaded with him, but it made no difference to him.
“No man out there is good enough for my daughter. Nothing will change that.”
“But daddy that’s not fair. Everybody else has already started their happily ever after. Why do I have to wait?”
“Because I said so. Your friends must have found the only good men out there. Now you are stuck with me.” He chuckles at his own joke, but it did not comfort Princess Lilly.
It didn’t help Cinderella wrote letters to her all the time, telling her how wonderful Prince Charming was. They were off living their happily ever after, and she was stuck inside the palace with her father. It was ridiculous.
After many weeks of stewing she devised a plan. She would use all of her magic to make a fantastic meal for her father. Then after he was full and happy, use her charming voice to convince him to find her a prince.
“This is going to be the best meal ever,” she sang to the cooks. Together they worked for several hours to make his dinner perfect.
There was duck, potatoes, fresh bread, crisp crunchy carrots, and fresh chocolate chip cookies. Without hesitation the king gobbled down the meal. There was hardly a crumb left by the time he finished. With a satisfied sigh he leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes. That was her chance.
Grinning Princess Lilly leaned in and started to whisper in his ear. She used the sing song voice she had practiced in the shower for hours.
“Daddy I want to get married so much. It would make me so happy. More than anything in the world. Please… please find me a prince.”
Reluctantly the king agreed and sent out a notice to all the faraway lands for suitable men.
The next day dozens of men came to the castle to meet Princess Lilly. Rumors of how beautiful she was flew through the room, but before anyone could enter the king stopped them.
“In order for you to see my daughter you must bring me the silver blade of grass in the land of terror. Then, and only then, will you be permitted inside.”
It was an impossible task, but the king knew if any man shall accomplish it then only he would be worthy of his precious daughter.
One man traveled for 6 days on foot to reach the Land of Terror. First he had to scale the Howling Mountains. He made it all the way to the top, with some difficulty. Then he figured out the source for their name. The wind was so strong it made the very rocks howl. The sound paralyzed him in his spot, ending his quest.
After hearing of the first man’s failure a second man set out. This man made it in only 5 days. Aware of the danger at the top of the mountain he brings ear plugs. The sound doesn’t faze him at all. Continuing along the path he stumbles upon an empty field.
“This must be where the silver blade of grass is located! I will surely win Princess Lilly.”
He searches for many days and nights, with no avail. Finally something sparkles in the sunlight. It is the silver blade of grass. He rushes over to it, but a witch stops him.
“Young man of far away, you cannot take my silver. You must pay for it, give me a liver.”
“I have no liver to give you except my own. Surely you cannot take mine.”
And with that the witch condemned him to be her servant forever.

Many more men set out after that. They all wanted Princess Lilly, but also all the fame, and money that came with her. All of them failed.
At long last a suitable man set out on the impossible task.
He was in love with Princess Lilly, and wanted nothing more than to marry her. He listened for stories of the other men’s journeys, so he could succeed where they had failed. Finally he set out to find the silver blade of grass.
He made the trip in only 2 days, for he was strong from working on his farm. In his backpack he had earplugs, a liver, and a red velvet bag for the blade of grass. The mountains held no challenge for him. He scaled them with ease and agility like never before. Even locating the silver grass was simple for him. He patiently sat and waited for the silver to glisten in the sunlight. As he went to pick it the witch popped up again.
“Young man of far away, you cannot take my silver. You must for it pay, give me a liver.”
He pulled the liver out of his bag and handed it over to the witch, a little disgusted.
“What do you need it for?” he said.
“I have a friend who is very sick. This and a few other ingredients should make her all better. Thank you dear boy. Now go find your love.” With that she disappeared in a cloud of bright blue smoke. Without a moment to spare he plucked the blade of grass, put it in the bag, and hurried home.
When he arrived the king was blown away.
“It’s impossible. How are you alive? The journey alone should have killed you.”
“Sir I really love your daughter. I traveled all the way to the land of terror, found the blade of grass, and brought it back, all to meet her. Only the thought of her pushed me on.”
Princess Lilly ran down the steps overrun with joy. She had found her prince.
“Daddy he is perfect. Where did you find him?” she giggled with delight while tossing him shy glances.
“He actually found you,” the king smiled at his happy daughter.
The next day they were married, and Princess Lilly wrote Cinderella a letter all about her happily ever after.

My Idea about posture

I heard these two old women talking at my church the other day about how bad teen posture is getting. It's true. The majority of us slouch whenever possible and walk hunched forward.

This is why.

We have more homework and bigger books. It's as simple as that.
Students sit hunched over desks scrawling nonsense in our little notebooks for 7 hours a day with breaks inbetween to haul around 20 lbs worth of books on our backs. After years over that we are starting to look a little slumpish.
Not saying it's bad. I would prefer that than be stupid.
But give us a break, bad posture is the least of the worlds problems right now. Find something better to complain about.
And on the flipside I'll put forth an effort to sit up straighter in my chair during service.

Sexting..?

I just read the most ridiculous article ever.

Teens are being charged with felonies for sending nude photos over the cell. On top of that they become a registered sex offender for up to two decades.

Ridiculous.

It starts out with a principal confiscating a kids phone, to find a nude picture of the guys girlfriend. So.. they call the cops. Granted this was a hypothetical situation, but based on actual events.

First I don't think teachers, deans, principals, anybody, should be able to take a students phone and look through it. If there is probable evidence it's being used to sell drugs or something, then fine, I could care less. They can take it and chop it up if it makes them feel better. But when it is taken during class I don't think the teacher should have the right to dig through their phone for no reason. Turn it off, put it in the fancy desk, be done with it.

Ok second. Its the guy's girlfriend. Honestly they are probably doing a lot more if they are sending nudes.

Last calling the cops is a little extreme. My goodness talk to the guy and explain what a big deal it is. More than likely he didn't know how easily that stuff is spread around. He will be embarrassed people will found out. Or if adults are getting that worried about it have an assembly. Tell us the dangers of "showing off ourselves" to the world. It will at least be different from all the drug and abstinence talk we get. Honestly it is getting redundant.

I agree with the idea. I don't think pictures of yourself sporting the all original birthday suit is all that classy. Have a little self respect.

I don't agree with the idiot who wrote the column. (Sorry Mr. Worth if she happens to be some journalism buddy of yours, but I really hated how she wrote the story) She portrayed herself as some saint trying to defend teens, while at the same time calling us stupid. No she did not directly call us stupid, but we have all learned how if you want someone to see it a certain way all you have to do is write it a certain way.

I don't know if she thought she was doing us a favor by dumbing us down to make us look less responsible, thus making us seem unaware of what we were doing. Or if she just thinks we are the biggest let down in society yet. If nobody has read it this ties into my post, yes the world pretty much thinks we all suck. they are wrong =).

This is a link to the article
http://www.slate.com/id/2211169
read, enjoy, comment (:

my ode to cheesiness (:

You don't have to say goodbye
And I won't have to say hello
You can stay here forever
You will never have to go
Together we will stay
Where the birds always sing
I will never leave your side
Because you will be my everything
Simplicity
Is the key to my heart
I could want nothing more
Than to never be apart
I shall be your princess
and you my prince
In harmony as one
we will be ever since
we lay eyes on each other
like destined fateand for that moment
I will forever wait

"Love is the most expensive of emotions"

$14.7 Billion is predicted to be spent on Valentine's Day this year.
Yes love is important, and showing you love someone is important as well. I won't deny it. My problem is that people are spending 14.7 Billion on chocolate, jewelry, and flowers.

I could get really charity like and say "give it to the starving!" but that's not my point.

We live in the materialistic world where we measure our relationships based on what we get. Not kidding I bet everyone has thought in their head, "that's it?" Yea that's it.

This is my idea, make this one more meaningful. Instead of going out and getting her the most amazing looking card ever, keep it simple. Then write on the inside why you like her, not why Hallmark likes her.

Flowers are overrated. They die right away, if they escape the dog or cat for that long.

I do like the excuse to eat chocolate. But the stuff where your not even sure if it's chocolate anymore? Ha give me a plain Hersey's bar any day. Anyway less trash than those stupid plastic boxes (save the environment ;) )

Oh and that necklace that looks so nice. I would feel so guilty wearing that. It's almost like the girls compete to see who got the best stuff. "oh look how much he loves me. This is just gorgeous!" You're stupid.

Ok but this is my favorite part. Just to be generic, It saves money =) It's all over the news, but some people have missed it. The economy is tight. Maybe pay off your mortgage? On the other hand it's a good, natural, stimulus package. So stimulate it another way. Talk to your significant other on how to spend the money. Give it to a cause, or spend it on something you would both want, but may not be as romantic. Then later you can be all romantic just the two of you. Bet that would mean more anyway..

it's just a short story.

My arms and legs are heavy. Burning as if the bones themselves are on fine.
I love it.
The cry for rest from my lungs goes unheard.
I am invincible. Unstoppable.
Running.

In 7th grade I joined track. I don't remember my reasoning behind joining, if there was any, but within a week I cursed it.

Running hated me, and the feeling was mutual. I would stand at practice with Nike's laced tight, and a t-shirt hanging on me like a garbage bag. My only hope was for survival while I waited for the torture that is exercise.

At my first track meet my coach encouraged me to fun the mile. After a lot of stalling I came to the conclusion, running around the track 4 times wouldn't be that bad.

By the second time around I wanted someone to shoot me just to put me out of my misery. The only reason I kept running was because everyone was cheering for me with more excitement than I thought possible.
It wasn't until after the race, I found out they all thought I was in first instead of dead last. That's how far behind I was.

Returning home, humiliated, I declared running "man's stupidest idea yet." I promised I would never run again unless it was completely necessary for my survival.

The next day I went to practice.

The junior high team practiced at the high school's track with the high school team. I still called them big kids on occasion. A habit from childhood, that proved my own immaturity. Instead of practicing with my team I watched them. I would hide out in the locker rooms, watching them wizz by.

They ran like the wind, or at least to me they did. They pushed themselves to the very limit or their potential.

It wasn't impressive.
I thought they were stupid. When they started running I say pointlessness, and when they finished, pain. They gained nothing, yet gave everything.

There was no decisive turning point. I never sat down, and said I wanted to be like those high schoolers; however, at some moment I realized running is about challenging yourself. Their only motivation being themselves.

Now when I saw them start running I saw courage, and when they finished a conquerer.

That is what I wanted to be.

I was the slowest on the team with the most determination. Pain now marked growth. The very meaning of the word changed.

I knelt down to tighten the laces or my now worn Nike's. Many miles maked on the bottoms of them. Then I take off. My eyes set on the distance. A new goal, and only myself to push me there.

Jerkish teachers. I just love them.

You know the touchy feeling type of the teacher is the one that builds you up, and cheers you on. They are the ones that are nominated for awards and all of that jazzy stuff. But lately the fad has been to act too cool, or something, for the students. Sarcasm has become a part of everyday lessons.

I'm not saying it bothers me too much. If that's the way they feel they can teach the best, then fine. No big deal. What bothers me is when they take it too far. Like they something particularly rude, that they said just to get a reaction. Not even kidding. It happens.

But who is going to stand up to them? Not me for sure. I would rather sit silently and take it than be the one to say something over such a silly issue. Like I said it doesn't bother me too much. I'm just thinking about the students in our school who are a bit more touchy. How would they take it?

I can only think of 2-3 teachers of mine that really do it. But out of 7? Maybe something should be said?

Yes the world thinks we all pretty much suck. They are wrong =)

I was listening to my youth pastor's sermon Wednesday night and one of his main points was "Society has lowered it's standards for you. It's almost like you are in training to one day be something great." Someday. Right now we can't be though. We are still teenagers.

But wait.. For centuries haven't teenagers played important roles in society? People my age would have families, jobs, lives. I'm not saying I'm capable of any of that. Years and years of teenagers being dubbed as irresponsible, trouble makers. Then us dutifully living up to those expectations.

It is ridiculous. This generation needs to get up off of it's fat lazy butt and do something. Where will America go if none of us are willing to excel. It's like we all want the fame without the work. Not saying I'm innocent, but now that I have stepped back a taken a look at it, I think we can do it. Get involved in a community project, or even just push yourselves during class. Prove that we are not the generation that will have it all handed to us.

I sound like a jerk.. that's alright this time

This is one of a few of my favorite things ever. I have a friend of sorts who insists on guessing what I'm thinking. She thinks she has it, when in reality she has no idea, whatsoever. It gets better though. My friend never bothered once to ask what might be wrong. She never thought maybe there is something bigger going on in my life than her little human video.

They planned out this human video thing. It was a good idea, and I thought it would be a great experience for them. But I didn't even find out I was supposed to be in it until way later. I figured sure why not, I can fit it into my schedule somehow. So I told them I'll try if they really need me to do it. No answer. End of conversation. Ok well the little rehearsal things they planned I wasn't able to go to. Sue me. As a result I had no idea what was going on, they moved on with it without me. No big deal. I was never really in it to begin with.

In case I haven't made it clear enough in some of my past blogs, I am a busy person. Everyday is like being on a treadmill I only jump off of the moment right before I fall asleep. So the single day I have a moment to relax is the day the decide to come over to "practice". It just so happened that was honestly one of the worst days ever. Dance practice was a killer, and all day I had been catching crap from almost every side. And one of the girls had the nerve to come up to me and ask if I was done being crabby. Ok sorry I didn't walk into the room and jump around with you guys like an idiot. Next time I'll try harder to accommodate you.. Really? Stupid.. (She thinks I didn't want to do it because she ask me to join in with them, as if I needed an invitation when it's at my own house. Sorry hun but that's not why at all.)

Then they performed it at youth group for our pastor. It was really good. Not going to lie they did an amazing job. There were a few things they could fix. One of them being mouthing out the words clearer. While I was trying to help them with it, they honestly turned around and started talking about something else. What the heck? Later they asked me what I thought of it again. Every time I tried to answer they all started talking. I don't think I ever told them exactly what I thought of it. I gave up and walked away. I'm not putting for the effort to help if they can't shut up and listen. After all that they separate themselves from the rest of us in the hallway. Talking all quiet about who knows what. Probably something unimportant. I remember when it used to be fun. We would all hang out, and if someone had a bad day, we were there for each other. Not push them away like they are going to infect everyone. I think it was only because we were all naive. Who cares.

Bottom line. More important issues are coming up in my life. Things that matter, make a difference, and are really making it hard for me. It won't stop for some petty tiff they think I have, because I wasn't "invited personally". I'm coming off as a jerk, since I'm completely ripping them apart, but you know right now I don't care. If they have such a big deal with this whole thing maybe they should ask me themselves what's going on. As far as I'm concerned I'm done with church and there little clique. It's not worth it.

You Have All Been Tricked

Grades don't matter. Well maybe they do, but they shouldn't. I'm not saying it because I have a bad grade, and am frustrated over it. Actually I have quite the opposite. I have straight A's. So what's my problem?

I don't have to try to get good grades. I've only ever sat down and truly studied for a test a few times in my life. I do the homework without hardly ever having a problem with it, except in math class. The effort put into school for me is minimal. So why do I deserve an A? There are people who work hard, stay up late studying, and take pages of notes. Yet no matter how hard they try they can't seem to get anything above a C, except maybe an occasional B.

Don't get me wrong. I love having good grades. But maybe the grading system isn't helping those who are trying the hardest. It rewards naturally smart people, and the few who do work hard for those grades.

This isn't supposed to nag on teachers at all. They teach with whatever method works best for them. But I think it is most fair if participation is a bigger part of the grading process. Think about it. Anybody can raise their hand to volunteer. Your not going to going to get docked points for getting it wrong (unless the teacher is an absolute jerk). Now for people like me that idea is terrifying. I hate volunteering. I fidgit and say um like a broken record. However maybe if more teachers made it a requirement it would help people, like me, to get out there. Help us get over our little stage fright, which can help us in other areas of our life. Like speaking up at meetings, sharing our opinions, stuff like that. Meanwhile kids can earn a fair grade.

Just an idea. I will probably have some teacher tell me why that's not possible. And that's fine. It's only my opinion. It's not like I have ever taught a class before, but I think it's a good idea =)

Blogs of note? ha I think not

Blogger has this fantastic little feature, called blogs of note, that shows of blogs that are good based on whatever standards. So from my last blog I decided I should check some out. My goodness...
(First off I'm just going to say this is only my personal opinion based on what I saw, and by now means applies to all of the blogs.)
I swear I can't find anything worth reading. Here's a run through of what I found:
1. A bunch of cute little arts and crafts blogs for those people who sit at home with oodles of extra time on their hands.
2. Blogs by moms saying how hard their lives are, but how blessed they still consider themselves.
3. Pictures of random people from some family holiday event... without captions
4. Blogs in other languages.

Not saying somebody somewhere doesn't find them interesting, but there are SO many. If you have seen one you have seen them all. Come on, where is the ingenuity? I want to find a blog about something important. Something that really matters. So if you have one, or maybe it's even yours. Let me know. I want to read it.

I think it's stupid

Honestly it doesn't matter what I think is dumb. Or pointless. Which ever you prefer. Taking the time to write a decent blog, and knowing it doesn't care because nobody outside of Mr. Worth will read it. Not that I want to become some crazy famous blogger. But why put in the effort? Who cares what I have to say. Nobody.

I actually put thought into it. I think of things I can blog about, and if I don't think it's interesting.. I'm not going to waste my time. However I'm not gaining anything from that. I will get the same grade whether it is interesting or not. I can say I don't like the snow because it's cold. I think it should just go away... Simple, boring, and enough to get me a decent grade.

This really bothers me. I feel like I'm spending my time on this for nothing. One of my peers could write a blog about how they cured cancer, and I bet nobody will read it. I suppose there is no way to really fix this., not that it's a problem. But there has to be a way to get some recognition to the people who deserve it.

So a short ode to the amazing bloggers-
"The world according to Kate" great, interesting, to the point. http://dancingpuma.blogspot.com/

"Monkeytoesmcgee" consistently about things that are pretty much important. not "I'm blogging to get this over with" It's more like "I'm blogging because I have something to say and want to get it out there"
http://jambetweenmytoes.blogspot.com/

"A few of my favorite things" Light and happy. It doesn't always have to be humbug. It takes a load off knowing the world isn't so serious everywhere.
http://jsande5.blogspot.com/

I didn't go find my friend's blogs just to be nice. These really are good ones. But then again nobody will know that because nobody will read this right? If I didn't put yours up here and you think it's great, it is I just don't know it yet.

I am too young to be thinking about this

Taxes. Not even kidding, I am worried about my taxes. Not in the same way as adults though. I am thinking about those kids in our school who don't care. The kids who slack off in class, and only serve as a disruption. The kids who no matter how much help is given to them, or how ever much support, they will never try. Kids who ruin things for everybody else because the abused a privilege. Kids who start fights in the hallway and bring drugs into the school. They all have a chance to change, and make a future for themselves. But those who don't... well that's where my (future) taxes come into play.

The ones who don't. They're not going to keep a job. They are probably going to have a few kids hanging around. They might not be able to buy, or even rent, a home. Food will sometimes become a luxury, because they won't be able to find money for the drugs otherwise. It's a reality some will face in some way or another.

So the government has set up systems to help them out. One many are familiar with, is welfare. It is a great idea, with great intentions, that is greatly abused. There is a woman who goes to my church who is on welfare. It's not a bad thing. It's helping her get by until she can get a job and such. But she doesn't use it wisely. It's like, "hey I have money now, would you like to go get a big fancy meal?" Even if blowing money on a luxury is the best way to go, I would think if you are in that situation you would try to save it so you can move on. Get out of the whole.

Ok enough said. Taxes. Welfare doesn't come out of the sky. People have to pay for it. But what if I don't want to. Why should I, who worked hard in high school, and got a good job, pay for these peoples frivolous way. The same people who didn't try, or care. They same people who blew so many opportunities? I'm not saying scrap the entire thing. That is ridiculous. There just has to be a better way.

Let me get a little religious on yall

I was talking to a friend who brought up something I never really think about. If God already knows what will happen, and we don't have a choice in what happens to us, what is the point of everything?

This bothered me a lot. How can our entire existence not matter. That the type of cereal I ate this morning wasn't really my choice, but preplanned. It's just wrong to me.

So this is what I think. Not saying my friend is wrong, but I think I have a more positive idea to put my worries to rest.

God put us on the earth to serve him. Yet a lot of people don't. He wouldn't waste the time to put someone here that isn't going to full fill their purpose. That's pointless. He gave us that option. We don't have to. We can completely ignore the fact that there is a God and I bet He won't smite us where we stand, or all of a sudden force our legs to take us to a church for penitence.

Next is we could all live in complete peace with Him. That would be the ideal situation would it not? But God decided to give us a choice. We all know the story. Eve chose to disobey and eat the forbidden fruit. Huh. I would be willing to bet God didn't make her do that.

And as far as the little decisions in our lives, like the cereal for example, it's not life altering. God will let us pick out our breakfast without forcing our hand to pick up the frosted flakes rather than the rice crispies.

But you know some people are dead set on that idea. How they live in that mine set, I'm not really sure. To me it's depressing, and far from true. I could make a much bigger argument for my opinion, but it's really not necessary, because in the end I'm not out to change other people's views. Just explain my own.

Scrooge

I have decided I don't like Christmas. I love what it stands for, but the actual celebration isn't any fun. I think part of this idea might be because all of the holidays have felt this way. Nothing special, just another passing day. When it's done it's done. No excitement. Most of the time we make cookies, decorate the trees, spend time together. It really is fun. But this year was another story. A friend of my mom's always gives us the cookies. And she did this year too, but my mom decided that it took too much time to decorate them. As far as decorating the trees. Well we did it two days before Christmas, because every other day they said was too busy. Honestly it wasn't but that doesn't matter. Only two of the sisters were able to do it, so the rest of us had no part in it. We didn't give gifts this year so we had lots of time together, but everyone was mad at each other. Playing games is impossible because someone is guaranteed to say "you suck at this game". After all that it's time to take down all the decorations. People start yelling at each other and stomping around. Things take so much longer because nobody will cooperate. It's ridiculous. Through all of this the meaning of Christmas is lost, and the fun was never there. I can't stand it. If things were better, I wouldn't have a problem with it. But right now, I am anti christmas celebration. Just call me Scrooge