it's just a short story.

My arms and legs are heavy. Burning as if the bones themselves are on fine.
I love it.
The cry for rest from my lungs goes unheard.
I am invincible. Unstoppable.
Running.

In 7th grade I joined track. I don't remember my reasoning behind joining, if there was any, but within a week I cursed it.

Running hated me, and the feeling was mutual. I would stand at practice with Nike's laced tight, and a t-shirt hanging on me like a garbage bag. My only hope was for survival while I waited for the torture that is exercise.

At my first track meet my coach encouraged me to fun the mile. After a lot of stalling I came to the conclusion, running around the track 4 times wouldn't be that bad.

By the second time around I wanted someone to shoot me just to put me out of my misery. The only reason I kept running was because everyone was cheering for me with more excitement than I thought possible.
It wasn't until after the race, I found out they all thought I was in first instead of dead last. That's how far behind I was.

Returning home, humiliated, I declared running "man's stupidest idea yet." I promised I would never run again unless it was completely necessary for my survival.

The next day I went to practice.

The junior high team practiced at the high school's track with the high school team. I still called them big kids on occasion. A habit from childhood, that proved my own immaturity. Instead of practicing with my team I watched them. I would hide out in the locker rooms, watching them wizz by.

They ran like the wind, or at least to me they did. They pushed themselves to the very limit or their potential.

It wasn't impressive.
I thought they were stupid. When they started running I say pointlessness, and when they finished, pain. They gained nothing, yet gave everything.

There was no decisive turning point. I never sat down, and said I wanted to be like those high schoolers; however, at some moment I realized running is about challenging yourself. Their only motivation being themselves.

Now when I saw them start running I saw courage, and when they finished a conquerer.

That is what I wanted to be.

I was the slowest on the team with the most determination. Pain now marked growth. The very meaning of the word changed.

I knelt down to tighten the laces or my now worn Nike's. Many miles maked on the bottoms of them. Then I take off. My eyes set on the distance. A new goal, and only myself to push me there.

Jerkish teachers. I just love them.

You know the touchy feeling type of the teacher is the one that builds you up, and cheers you on. They are the ones that are nominated for awards and all of that jazzy stuff. But lately the fad has been to act too cool, or something, for the students. Sarcasm has become a part of everyday lessons.

I'm not saying it bothers me too much. If that's the way they feel they can teach the best, then fine. No big deal. What bothers me is when they take it too far. Like they something particularly rude, that they said just to get a reaction. Not even kidding. It happens.

But who is going to stand up to them? Not me for sure. I would rather sit silently and take it than be the one to say something over such a silly issue. Like I said it doesn't bother me too much. I'm just thinking about the students in our school who are a bit more touchy. How would they take it?

I can only think of 2-3 teachers of mine that really do it. But out of 7? Maybe something should be said?

Yes the world thinks we all pretty much suck. They are wrong =)

I was listening to my youth pastor's sermon Wednesday night and one of his main points was "Society has lowered it's standards for you. It's almost like you are in training to one day be something great." Someday. Right now we can't be though. We are still teenagers.

But wait.. For centuries haven't teenagers played important roles in society? People my age would have families, jobs, lives. I'm not saying I'm capable of any of that. Years and years of teenagers being dubbed as irresponsible, trouble makers. Then us dutifully living up to those expectations.

It is ridiculous. This generation needs to get up off of it's fat lazy butt and do something. Where will America go if none of us are willing to excel. It's like we all want the fame without the work. Not saying I'm innocent, but now that I have stepped back a taken a look at it, I think we can do it. Get involved in a community project, or even just push yourselves during class. Prove that we are not the generation that will have it all handed to us.

I sound like a jerk.. that's alright this time

This is one of a few of my favorite things ever. I have a friend of sorts who insists on guessing what I'm thinking. She thinks she has it, when in reality she has no idea, whatsoever. It gets better though. My friend never bothered once to ask what might be wrong. She never thought maybe there is something bigger going on in my life than her little human video.

They planned out this human video thing. It was a good idea, and I thought it would be a great experience for them. But I didn't even find out I was supposed to be in it until way later. I figured sure why not, I can fit it into my schedule somehow. So I told them I'll try if they really need me to do it. No answer. End of conversation. Ok well the little rehearsal things they planned I wasn't able to go to. Sue me. As a result I had no idea what was going on, they moved on with it without me. No big deal. I was never really in it to begin with.

In case I haven't made it clear enough in some of my past blogs, I am a busy person. Everyday is like being on a treadmill I only jump off of the moment right before I fall asleep. So the single day I have a moment to relax is the day the decide to come over to "practice". It just so happened that was honestly one of the worst days ever. Dance practice was a killer, and all day I had been catching crap from almost every side. And one of the girls had the nerve to come up to me and ask if I was done being crabby. Ok sorry I didn't walk into the room and jump around with you guys like an idiot. Next time I'll try harder to accommodate you.. Really? Stupid.. (She thinks I didn't want to do it because she ask me to join in with them, as if I needed an invitation when it's at my own house. Sorry hun but that's not why at all.)

Then they performed it at youth group for our pastor. It was really good. Not going to lie they did an amazing job. There were a few things they could fix. One of them being mouthing out the words clearer. While I was trying to help them with it, they honestly turned around and started talking about something else. What the heck? Later they asked me what I thought of it again. Every time I tried to answer they all started talking. I don't think I ever told them exactly what I thought of it. I gave up and walked away. I'm not putting for the effort to help if they can't shut up and listen. After all that they separate themselves from the rest of us in the hallway. Talking all quiet about who knows what. Probably something unimportant. I remember when it used to be fun. We would all hang out, and if someone had a bad day, we were there for each other. Not push them away like they are going to infect everyone. I think it was only because we were all naive. Who cares.

Bottom line. More important issues are coming up in my life. Things that matter, make a difference, and are really making it hard for me. It won't stop for some petty tiff they think I have, because I wasn't "invited personally". I'm coming off as a jerk, since I'm completely ripping them apart, but you know right now I don't care. If they have such a big deal with this whole thing maybe they should ask me themselves what's going on. As far as I'm concerned I'm done with church and there little clique. It's not worth it.

You Have All Been Tricked

Grades don't matter. Well maybe they do, but they shouldn't. I'm not saying it because I have a bad grade, and am frustrated over it. Actually I have quite the opposite. I have straight A's. So what's my problem?

I don't have to try to get good grades. I've only ever sat down and truly studied for a test a few times in my life. I do the homework without hardly ever having a problem with it, except in math class. The effort put into school for me is minimal. So why do I deserve an A? There are people who work hard, stay up late studying, and take pages of notes. Yet no matter how hard they try they can't seem to get anything above a C, except maybe an occasional B.

Don't get me wrong. I love having good grades. But maybe the grading system isn't helping those who are trying the hardest. It rewards naturally smart people, and the few who do work hard for those grades.

This isn't supposed to nag on teachers at all. They teach with whatever method works best for them. But I think it is most fair if participation is a bigger part of the grading process. Think about it. Anybody can raise their hand to volunteer. Your not going to going to get docked points for getting it wrong (unless the teacher is an absolute jerk). Now for people like me that idea is terrifying. I hate volunteering. I fidgit and say um like a broken record. However maybe if more teachers made it a requirement it would help people, like me, to get out there. Help us get over our little stage fright, which can help us in other areas of our life. Like speaking up at meetings, sharing our opinions, stuff like that. Meanwhile kids can earn a fair grade.

Just an idea. I will probably have some teacher tell me why that's not possible. And that's fine. It's only my opinion. It's not like I have ever taught a class before, but I think it's a good idea =)

Blogs of note? ha I think not

Blogger has this fantastic little feature, called blogs of note, that shows of blogs that are good based on whatever standards. So from my last blog I decided I should check some out. My goodness...
(First off I'm just going to say this is only my personal opinion based on what I saw, and by now means applies to all of the blogs.)
I swear I can't find anything worth reading. Here's a run through of what I found:
1. A bunch of cute little arts and crafts blogs for those people who sit at home with oodles of extra time on their hands.
2. Blogs by moms saying how hard their lives are, but how blessed they still consider themselves.
3. Pictures of random people from some family holiday event... without captions
4. Blogs in other languages.

Not saying somebody somewhere doesn't find them interesting, but there are SO many. If you have seen one you have seen them all. Come on, where is the ingenuity? I want to find a blog about something important. Something that really matters. So if you have one, or maybe it's even yours. Let me know. I want to read it.

I think it's stupid

Honestly it doesn't matter what I think is dumb. Or pointless. Which ever you prefer. Taking the time to write a decent blog, and knowing it doesn't care because nobody outside of Mr. Worth will read it. Not that I want to become some crazy famous blogger. But why put in the effort? Who cares what I have to say. Nobody.

I actually put thought into it. I think of things I can blog about, and if I don't think it's interesting.. I'm not going to waste my time. However I'm not gaining anything from that. I will get the same grade whether it is interesting or not. I can say I don't like the snow because it's cold. I think it should just go away... Simple, boring, and enough to get me a decent grade.

This really bothers me. I feel like I'm spending my time on this for nothing. One of my peers could write a blog about how they cured cancer, and I bet nobody will read it. I suppose there is no way to really fix this., not that it's a problem. But there has to be a way to get some recognition to the people who deserve it.

So a short ode to the amazing bloggers-
"The world according to Kate" great, interesting, to the point. http://dancingpuma.blogspot.com/

"Monkeytoesmcgee" consistently about things that are pretty much important. not "I'm blogging to get this over with" It's more like "I'm blogging because I have something to say and want to get it out there"
http://jambetweenmytoes.blogspot.com/

"A few of my favorite things" Light and happy. It doesn't always have to be humbug. It takes a load off knowing the world isn't so serious everywhere.
http://jsande5.blogspot.com/

I didn't go find my friend's blogs just to be nice. These really are good ones. But then again nobody will know that because nobody will read this right? If I didn't put yours up here and you think it's great, it is I just don't know it yet.

I am too young to be thinking about this

Taxes. Not even kidding, I am worried about my taxes. Not in the same way as adults though. I am thinking about those kids in our school who don't care. The kids who slack off in class, and only serve as a disruption. The kids who no matter how much help is given to them, or how ever much support, they will never try. Kids who ruin things for everybody else because the abused a privilege. Kids who start fights in the hallway and bring drugs into the school. They all have a chance to change, and make a future for themselves. But those who don't... well that's where my (future) taxes come into play.

The ones who don't. They're not going to keep a job. They are probably going to have a few kids hanging around. They might not be able to buy, or even rent, a home. Food will sometimes become a luxury, because they won't be able to find money for the drugs otherwise. It's a reality some will face in some way or another.

So the government has set up systems to help them out. One many are familiar with, is welfare. It is a great idea, with great intentions, that is greatly abused. There is a woman who goes to my church who is on welfare. It's not a bad thing. It's helping her get by until she can get a job and such. But she doesn't use it wisely. It's like, "hey I have money now, would you like to go get a big fancy meal?" Even if blowing money on a luxury is the best way to go, I would think if you are in that situation you would try to save it so you can move on. Get out of the whole.

Ok enough said. Taxes. Welfare doesn't come out of the sky. People have to pay for it. But what if I don't want to. Why should I, who worked hard in high school, and got a good job, pay for these peoples frivolous way. The same people who didn't try, or care. They same people who blew so many opportunities? I'm not saying scrap the entire thing. That is ridiculous. There just has to be a better way.

Let me get a little religious on yall

I was talking to a friend who brought up something I never really think about. If God already knows what will happen, and we don't have a choice in what happens to us, what is the point of everything?

This bothered me a lot. How can our entire existence not matter. That the type of cereal I ate this morning wasn't really my choice, but preplanned. It's just wrong to me.

So this is what I think. Not saying my friend is wrong, but I think I have a more positive idea to put my worries to rest.

God put us on the earth to serve him. Yet a lot of people don't. He wouldn't waste the time to put someone here that isn't going to full fill their purpose. That's pointless. He gave us that option. We don't have to. We can completely ignore the fact that there is a God and I bet He won't smite us where we stand, or all of a sudden force our legs to take us to a church for penitence.

Next is we could all live in complete peace with Him. That would be the ideal situation would it not? But God decided to give us a choice. We all know the story. Eve chose to disobey and eat the forbidden fruit. Huh. I would be willing to bet God didn't make her do that.

And as far as the little decisions in our lives, like the cereal for example, it's not life altering. God will let us pick out our breakfast without forcing our hand to pick up the frosted flakes rather than the rice crispies.

But you know some people are dead set on that idea. How they live in that mine set, I'm not really sure. To me it's depressing, and far from true. I could make a much bigger argument for my opinion, but it's really not necessary, because in the end I'm not out to change other people's views. Just explain my own.

Scrooge

I have decided I don't like Christmas. I love what it stands for, but the actual celebration isn't any fun. I think part of this idea might be because all of the holidays have felt this way. Nothing special, just another passing day. When it's done it's done. No excitement. Most of the time we make cookies, decorate the trees, spend time together. It really is fun. But this year was another story. A friend of my mom's always gives us the cookies. And she did this year too, but my mom decided that it took too much time to decorate them. As far as decorating the trees. Well we did it two days before Christmas, because every other day they said was too busy. Honestly it wasn't but that doesn't matter. Only two of the sisters were able to do it, so the rest of us had no part in it. We didn't give gifts this year so we had lots of time together, but everyone was mad at each other. Playing games is impossible because someone is guaranteed to say "you suck at this game". After all that it's time to take down all the decorations. People start yelling at each other and stomping around. Things take so much longer because nobody will cooperate. It's ridiculous. Through all of this the meaning of Christmas is lost, and the fun was never there. I can't stand it. If things were better, I wouldn't have a problem with it. But right now, I am anti christmas celebration. Just call me Scrooge