Swimming

Sometimes it takes everything falling apart to find a foothold in your life. It isn't until you feel like you have nothing until you realize how much you have.

Coming out on top is the best. Knowing I didn't let a bad situation get the best of me is wonderful.

This is what I learned.
You need to find your personal rock. It doesn't need to be God like so many believe, although that's easier because you have an automatic support group behind you, and it's what everyone does. You need something that will help you through everything. I've found it in my writing, and running. I know those two things will never change for me. If something challenges your "rock", fine. Let it happen. Let it be tested.
If it changes, be prepared for and upset. Suddenly you find yourself falling, pieces of your life flying down past you like debris, into the dark abyss. Then you swim. You find the solid ground you personally need to stand on. In the end you will be stronger.

Learning to Swim

When I was 14 I wrote a poem called balancing act. It was all about how careful I put my life together, and when things didn't work it all fell apart.
Looking back. I haven't changed.

The past month my life has completely disintegrated before my eyes. I clutched at small pieces, so I could maybe put it back together, but they proved to be an unstable base. So it fell once more.

Now I am caught under all of it. Struggling under the weight. Trying to get out for a breath of fresh air, with no avail.

Then only thing to do is move with it. Swim until I can put it together again, even though I feel like I'm drowning.

Ahlahasa

At first I had no interest what so ever in the Ahlahasa. I figured it just wasn't my thing. Now the more I think about it the more I want to be on the staff. I would settle for any minor position, I simply want to be part of the Ahlahasa.

I think part of it is because of my experience so far with the Sophisticate. I love the pressure for our stories, because that is when the most creative things happen.

But life isn't just. In my interview for the Ahlahasa I screwed up, really bad. I am almost 100% positive I finished every other sentence with "I guess". I didn't want to sound like I was trying to brag myself up. I over did it though and made it sound like I didn't want to do it at all.
This is when life needs a big red redo button.
I want this so bad, and I don't think I can acheive it. It's driving me nuts.

0_o

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People Frustrate Me

If you are running behind someone it's easy to pace yourself with them. Finally you find your stride, and it's perfect. Both of you moving at the same pace toward the end of the race. Then right before the finish line they either completely slow down, or stop all together right in front of you. It breaks your stride and concentration which ruins the end of your race.

As the school year is coming to a close, I find myself more irritated with people than before. It's like we have all been running this race and slowly, one by one, people are stopping in front of me. Not doing homework, having a negative attitude, ticking off teachers. It's stupid. Those things may not appear to effect others but they do.

If my friends don't do their homework they automatically think they can copy off of me. So what do I do, turn them down and be a bad friend, or suck it up and let them copy. I took the time to do the work, not them.
Then there are the people who are continuously wasting time, because they think they are now "above" all of it. Everything in their eyes is either stupid or pointless. It's so hard to stay focused when that is everywhere.
And finally the smartasses. They believe when the teacher is talking it's their turn to open up their mouth. It's not. It's time for you to shut up and listen. Because believe it or not, some people care. Some people want a good grade and are working hard.

There is less than a month of school left. The least we can do is stick through to the end. Now isn't the time to slack off just yet. Some people still have their stride and are finishing the race. Hop back on the train. It's not too late.

Love Does Not Exist

That crazy feeling you get when you are around someone. "Complete" as some put it. Or how you can't seem to get enough of that specific food. How a certain song makes you happy, or just speaks to your current issues. And we call all of that love..

It does not exist. Love is simple a humans excuse for not being able to control themselves. It is imagined. They don't want to stop eating, and they claim love. Thy can't stop listening to that song, and instead of calling it a natural high, like it is, the say love.
But let's not forget that special someone. "It's simple. Love." No it's lust. It's not wanting to be alone. It's enjoying a conversation. They are replaceable. It hurts, because you miss the familiarity. All in all though it is not that thing you call love.

Love is a noun. The dictionary calls it "a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person or object."
Over used. Meaningless. Cliche. I'm guilty of it. I say I "Love" something, but in the end I know I don't. The actual action of loving is impossible, because we will forever want something else. Never true satisfied.

Now is when people will think "Not me. Mine is true love".
Love is supposed to be forever and never stray. So if straying, even if just in thought, it vetoes love. And if they did, by chance, return to that specific thing, it was only out of comfort. Not love.

But if that is too depressing to think about, continue to love. I have no objection. I simply wanted to share my opinion.



This isn't necessarily my thoughts. Some of it could be, but "No love" isn't a very blissful idea. However I did want to make this into a speech for next year's season. Tell me what you think.

I was talking to someone about a relationship they are in earlier today, and they asked me how they should know if the relationship is still "good" or not. Odd question, especially to ask me of all people. But here is my answer:

You need to rethink your relationship when more negative things come out of your mouth than good things.

That's just me..

Creeper Story

Today we will meet. Kyle Marshall will finally find out who I am. He will realize we are meant to be. We are perfect for each other.

Right now I can't see him in the coffee shop, where he works. Annoying morning customers block him from my view. Usually women hurrying home after a one night stand. Theird skirts too tight. Their shirts disheveled.

Every once in a while I see his red apron peek our from between the flirty women. He pays them no attention, yet always acts cordial. Sometimes he smiles after a polite laugh. When he smiles his right eyebrow arches gracefully. I can faintly see the scar on his forehead.

Generally his hair covers it up. Straight blonde hair. Most people wear it horribly, but Kyle is naturally beautiful. His dark brown eyes are what draw in most women. They are powerless against his charm. Stuttering fools.

Usually this bench, right outside the big window, is the best. I'm here every day except when it rains. Four months and 16 days so far. I've watched him longer than the other two boys. We have a connection. I can feel it. Except she's in the way.

She's waiting for him now.

She's just like a barbie doll. Blonde hair, blue eyes, tiny waist, and a cosmetically enlarged chest. It's standard for any girl trying to catch his eye. Giggling idiot. How dare she touch him like she is worthy of him?

It's time.

People are clearing out. Now is my opprotunity. Before the girl steals him away. It's only 25 steps to the counter.

"Hello Kyle. How are you?"


Another story I wrote for Creative Writing. Lot's of fun(: Have to admit I haven't actually stalked someone though.

Sonnet

Oh, beautiful is the morning today
So I watch you wake slowly to the light
And all I could want is that you will stay
Even if it is only for one more night

Warm sunlight slants across the quilted bed
Quiet mummers escaping your soft lips
I would rather be one hundred times dead
Than never be felt by your fingertips

How lucky am I to be here with you
Open your gorgeous eyes and you will see
We shall never part if you only knew
You are my world, how much you mean to me

We can replicate tonight's ecstasy
If you say yes and spend your life with me


This was a sonnet I wrote for my Creative Writing class. Extremely frustrating, it took me 4 hours. Each line should be 10 syllables long.

An Endless Search

I have a confession to make, and it will raise me to some of the highest rankings in Nerdism.

I love the perfect word. If you can take an entire phrase and condense it down into a single word, it's perfect. We have all all had those moments where a certain word is at the tip of our tongues, but we can't spit it out, and it drives us nuts. Festering curiosity.
That right there would be every body's personal case of Nerdism.
But I take it to the extreme. My best friend at times is my thesaurus. I have a hard time writing with out one. Once I was stuck on a sentence for 10 minutes trying to think of that perfect word. Ridiculous? Of course. But I enjoy it.